I've Got a Baaad Feeling About This
by jeevesandwooster
Summary: House catches Cameron reading fanfic and nothing will stop him from teasing her, not even a difficult new case. But when Cameron breaks, how will House feel? HouseCameron of course
1. Cameron and Fanfic

Disclaimer: I don't own House, if I did, this week's 'date' would have been a lot better.

Hey this is our (co-written with a friend) first fanfic… I apologize ahead of time for the Star Wars theme… the third one does come out on May 19th. Don't worry, it's not a sci-fi, just a chance for House to make fun of Cameron. Please enjoy.

"Dr. House!" roared a flustered Cuddy.

"What now? 'Simpsons' is on in five minutes"

"Have you done your-"?

"Yes I've been down to the clinic"

"Did you actually-"

"Yes, I wiped noses and prescribed drugs"

"Don't think I'm stu-"

"No, I'm not lying, you can ask Dr. Chase... is that all? Or are you hoping that I'll pull you into a supply closet and get you out of those ridiculously tight pants?"

"Hmph. Fat chance." and she stalked off, slightly disturbed. Since when did he go to the clinic of his own volition?

Dr. House managed to swagger down the hall, despite his limp, pleased at yet another victory over his boss. But the truth was, he was bored to tears. There were no interesting cases, reality shows were the only things on, he'd beaten his video game and he'd memorized all the songs on his ipod.

He'd even gone down to the clinic instead of dodging it like he always did.

So now there was only one activity left for him...

...And that was annoying Wilson.

He was on his way to his friend's office when a more...responsive target met his eye.

"Dr. Cameron, what on earth are you reading?" he said with a smirk.

Cameron jumped about a foot in the air and blushed furiously. He smirked. It must be something embarrassing, and he was going to get his entertainment. Casually he strode over to her and peered over her shoulder at the laptop screen, which she quickly tried to close.

"Interesting reaction," he said. "Are you hiding something? Hard-core pornography perhaps?"

She blushed even harder, if that was possible

"What do you take me for?" she asked, trying to hide embarrassment with anger.

"Ah, defensive I see...well then perhaps it's a horse-betting site run by the mafia? What exactly are you hiding under that sweet-as-sugar façade? Wait until I tell the others about how Cameron isn't the innocent little girl she pretends to be..."

"Oh for crying out loud! Here!" She thrust her laptop open.

His eyes scanned the words on the page, and his eyes lit up with a wicked light.

"Fanfiction?" he said, his voice strained with ill-contained amusement, "You're reading fanfiction?"

He read more...

"And ROMANTIC fanfiction at that... well, well, well, Cameron, this is a side of you I haven't seen before. Who knew you were such a geek?"

"This from the guy who's beaten 'Metroid Prime' twice" she said, trying in vain to recover some of her dignity.

"Whatever, playing video games isn't nearly as 'geeky' as taking a geek movie like…" he peered at the screen again, "…Star Wars and writing a supplementary plot for it that will never be acknowledged except by other geeks."

She huffed and went back to her reading, trying to ignore the fact that his face was hovering by her ear.

After a while she muttered "Who's the bigger geek, the geek or the geek reading over her shoulder?"

At that moment, House's pager buzzed.

"I've got a baaad feeling about this," he whispered mockingly in her ear, and together, they ran to the ER to see what case was stumping the medical world this time.

A few notes:

Thanks to the book "Son of the Mob" for the idea of a mafia-run horse-betting site.

If you're not a Star Wars fan, you might have missed the play on Obi-Wan Kenobi's famous line "Who's more of a fool, the fool or the fool who follows him" and the ultimate line, said twenty or so times in the series "I've got a bad feeling about this" Stay tuned for the next chapter! Oh! And please review.


	2. and wait with Chewbacca

Thank you all for your kind posts! It gave us purpose in life. We went up to everyone who doubted us and waved the reviews in their faces. "See! SOMEONE appreciates us!" That's when they called Security….

Disclaimer: House isn't mine…. which is a relief to my boyfriend. other half of team snickers

"So, uh..." Dr. Foreman consulted his chart, "Mr. Dallas, what can I do for you?"

The man was about 30 years old; a 5' 11'' Caucasian with an athletic build and light hair. His cheeks were flushed with fever, the left one drooping and paralyzed. He opened his mouth to speak and sounded as though he was talking around marbles.

"I dunno. How about prescribing some drug that will fix my face? My girlfriend was ok with the fever and such, but when I woke up this morning with my face like this, well, she couldn't stand the thought of anyone seeing the guy she was dating looking like Quasimodo."

He smiled, or at least his right side did.

"Ok," said Foreman as Dr. Chase began checking the man's statistics. "So the paralysis is new, any other symptoms?"

"I dunno, joint pains, headaches, a fever"

"Any coughing?"

"No."

"How long have these symptoms persisted?"

"About three days or so, I figured it was the flu... So what's wrong with me? There's a big cycling race this weekend, and I don't want to miss it."

Dr. Foreman ignored this; patients could be ridiculous about their schedules. God forbid they take sick days.

"Anything else?"

Dr. Chase stood up from where he'd been checking the patient's heart with his stethoscope. "Yeah, increased heart rate...the guy's got tachycardia."

Foreman nodded as Chase stuck a thermometer in the guy's mouth. "How high has the fever been?"

"It's stuck around 101, 102 degrees."

"Well it's risen," said Chase, "103 degrees."

The patient looked at them. "Guess that's a 'no' then on the race?"

"You guessed right." He turned to Chase, "Think House will be interested"

"Why not?"

"Why?"

House was playing his Nintendo DS, half ignoring them, clearly irritated that they would dare invade his alien-killing time.

"Why did you waste my precious time with such a dull case as this? Are you in league with Cuddy? I did my  
clinic hours today, thank you very much."

"The guy has some pretty interesting symptoms," replied a slightly defensive Foreman.

House rolled his eyes; obviously they weren't going to leave. He paused the game before they could distract him into losing a life. "Interesting? The guy isn't even worth getting out the wipe board."

Cameron, being the nice one, of course had to stand up for Foreman. "Well, it is a pretty odd combination, the facial paralysis and the flu-like symptoms"

"Flu-like symptoms? Hmmm... Perhaps it's the flu? But what do I know? Maybe there's something REALLY  
WRONG with the guy, besides his..." he paused to look at Cameron, "Jabba the Hutt face."

She blushed, but matched his smirk with a glare.

"Alright then, you," he gestured to Foreman, "what do you think?"

"I think he had a small stroke. I'd like to do a CAT scan," responded Foreman."But a stroke wouldn't explain the arrhythmia or the flu-like symptoms," Chase retorted. "I don't know what's causing the symptoms yet, but I'd like to do an EKG to find out the source of the arrhythmia.""Fine. Foreman, do the CAT scan. Chase, do the EKG. I have two more levels of this game to beat, so don't bother me again unless you have a case worth my time."

"What about me?" asked Cameron, rising from her chair.

"You?" he said with a smirk, "Why don't you go wait in the Millennium Falcon? Toodlepip everyone."

He smiled slightly as he limped out.

"Millennium Falcon?" Chase asked. Cameron glared at him, turned sharply and left the room.

"What was that about?" he asked. Foreman shrugged his shoulders.

"It's House."

Ok. That's it for this chapter! Please review! There is an incentive this time. First person to catch the reference to an old Hugh Laurie roll gets mentioned in the next chapter as, (what else?), the writer of a fanfic! Pretty cool, huh? Next chapter…teasing. Trust us, it's gonna be good. Bye now!


	3. Teasing and Troubles on Tatooine

Sorry it took so long to update everyone! It's officially summer vacate now, though, so the updates should come much quicker!

Disclaimer: We don't own house. If we did, you'd all worship us, and trust me, we are VERY likely to abuse such power. BOW TO US, OUR SLAVES, BOW! MWAHAHAHAHAH

Chapter 3: Teasing and Trouble on Tatooine

Foreman and Chase were sitting around the break room table, clearly frustrated.

"Damn it!" said Foreman finally, just as Cameron walked in, with lunch for everyone.

"What's wrong?"

"We have no idea what's wrong with this guy. There's no indication of a stroke, which would have explained his face..."

"...And there's nothing wrong with his heart either," finished Chase.

"So the tests were no help at all?"

"The CT scan didn't show any brain abnormalities," said Foreman.

"And the EKG was clear," responded Chase. "Did you send away for blood work?"

"Yeah, but it's not back yet. Any ideas?"

"I haven't the foggiest."

"Perhaps arthritis? Or fibromyalgia?" asked Cameron.

"That would explain the muscle pain, but what about the paralysis? And the heart problems?"

"I just can't believe it wasn't a stroke," said Foreman.

"Well of course it wasn't!" At that movement, Dr. House burst into the break room, papers in his hand and a sadistic grin on his face. "What, you haven't figured it out yet?"

"No." Chase glared at House. "And you have?"

"Why, of course! But I can't tell you, it's a secret." He nodded condescendingly at his interns.

"Well, you're just a picture of usefulness," Chase mumbled under his breath.

"Excuse me if I thought I might give you a chance to shine. But apparently your finish needs polishing. And here I thought you'd have diagnosed him and were lounging in here because you were bored. I even went to the trouble of bringing gifts."

He spilled the contents of his bag on the table. "See? I was going to lend Chase my iPod, and Foreman my Nintendo DS...but I see you two still have work to do, so I guess I'll keep them." He grinned at his ticked-off co-workers. "And Cameron, I went to all the trouble to get you this, and here you are, case still unsolved, lounging in the break room...tut tut." He threw a stack of paper at the table, which Chase snatched up.

"What's this? It looks like a story...who's this 'jperez1118' person?"

"It's Star Wars fanfic...apparently Cameron's rather fond of it." House allowed himself a moment of almost fatherly pride as he saw the evil glint rising in Foreman and Chase's eyes as they scanned the story.

"Fanfiction?" said Foreman, one eyebrow carefully raised. "Interesting. Well, Chase, why are we still here?"

"Beats me," replied Chase, "I'd rather be anywhere but. If there's a bright center of the universe, we're in the room farthest from it."

Cameron started blushing.

"Ah, but return to it we do. Day after day, if such a horrible place it is, why return do we?" Foreman responded quizzically. Both sniggered quietly, trying to maintain some semblance of professionalism.

"Watch this," said House. He approached Cameron. "You want to get me some coffee." He waved a hand in a vague motion.

"Good lord, he's doing the Jedi mind trick," Cameron thought, deeply embarrassed. Then an idea from one of her psychology books hit her. "Hmmm," she thought. "Perhaps it will be less fun for them if I play along?" She carefully blanked her face, then stated in a monotone:

"I want to get you some coffee."

House chuckled inwardly. She had took the bait. "You want to do my clinic hours for me."

"I want to do your clinic hours for you."

"You want to have wild sex in the supply closet."

"I want to... wait a minute!"

"Sorry Cameron," he leaned over and started Darth Vader breathing in her ear. "I'm old enough to be your father."

Her face turned beet red. "ARGH!" She rose sharply from the table and stormed out into the hallway.

"Cameron," Foreman leaned out the doorway and called after her. She whipped around, her face bright red  
and her eyes full of rage. "May the Force be with you!"

The three men finally let out their laughter as they heard her stomp down the hall, shrieking.

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"What'd you do to Cameron?" Wilson walked into House's office "Y'know, you really ought to be nicer to the little ducklings."

"Oh, so Little Red Riding Hood came crying to you about the big bad House?

"Actually, I just passed the locker room, and she was crying as she was beating the doors, probably imagining they were your ugly mug."

"So someone is crying in the hospital and automatically it's MY fault?"

"Yeah. You trying to deny it?"

House glared at him.

"Anyway, I think you seriously upset her, so try being human for once and apologize."

"I am human. In fact, I'm more human than most. All humans are this mean. I'm just honest about it."  
Wilson rolled his eyes.

"Besides, she needs to get tougher if she wants to make it as a doctor. How is she going to handle angry and suspicious patients if she can't handle a little teasing from her colleagues?"

"Whatever, if you have any compassion...oh God, who am I talking to? I'll see you tomorrow"

He walked out, but then poked his head back in the door.

"It's more than teasing to her, you know."

"Yeah, and that's the problem," House thought

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House walked up to the locker room, hoping she would be gone already and save him the humiliation, but she was still there...and still pounding on lockers. She stopped as she caught sight of him, and he walked up to her and handed her an ice pack.

"Uh, thanks" she said, surprised, and put the pack on her bruised knuckles.

"You must be calm, young padawan," he said maliciously, "I think the empire droids are sufficiently deterred, you must not allow excess violence to drag you to the-"

He didn't get much farther, as the young "padawan" had thrown the ice pack...and hit him square in the eye.

"Ack...The force is strong in this one I see," House quipped. Holding a hand to his eye, he glanced at his watch. "Hey, don't you have some sort of Star Wars convention to get to?"

"House, haven't you got enough out of me already?"

"What's that you say? You're dad won't lend you the car?"

"You're pushing it, even for you. Just leave me alone"

"Well if you're really hung up on this conference, I guess I'll give you a ride."

"This is a long set-up. What are you up to this time?"

"You're welcome. I'll pick you up at nine. Wait outside for me...I don't want to climb all those stairs. Gimp leg, you know."

And he turned and left, emphasizing the limp for good measure.


	4. Movieoke

Disclaimer: We didn't mention it previously but, uh, Star Wars? Not ours. vague hand motion You do not wish to press charges. But if it was? Sorry George Lucas, but we'd even trade Harrison Ford in for Dr. House, similarly not ours. vague hand motion David Shore wishes to sell us the rights… well… we'll try _anything_… what?

She'd assumed he'd been teasing, and that he didn't really intend to take her anywhere. So when at 9:05 there was a knock at her door, she was completely unprepared for what she saw.

"I thought I told you to wait outside! Do you have any idea what kind of hell three flights of stairs is on a bum leg? And when I'm giving up my precious time to drag you to a geek convention."

She could only stare, the words barely registering. House was at her door, annoyed expression on his face, wearing Chuck Taylors, a pair of jeans... and a Star Wars t-shirt.

"Well, are you coming, or are you going to stare at my admittedly gorgeous body all night?"

Lost for words, she grabbed her purse and jacket and followed him.

When she regained her voice, they were cruising along in his corvette, well on their way to...wherever they were going. Knowing it'd be pointless to ask questions, she sat back and tried not to think of what her mother would say if she knew what she was doing.

Finally, they pulled up by a building, surrounded by a bunch of people, most wearing Star Wars stuff. Oh God, she thought, he ACTUALLY took me to a geek convention.

Seeing the look on her face, House's mouth twitched, "Calm down, it's not a convention."

"Well then what's with all these people, and where in hell's name did you drag me?"

He smiled and pulled a picnic blanket out of the trunk of the car. "Outdoor theater. They're showing 'The Empire Strikes Back'"

Noticing the stunned look on her face, he shifted uncomfortably and said "Well, sheesh, I'm not completely heartless. This is about as close to an apology that you'll ever get from me so just enjoy it while it lasts, ok"

Beaming, she glanced up at him slyly, "I'll only forgive you if you buy the popcorn"

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Not only had he paid for the popcorn, she managed to con him into Milk Duds and sodas. He wasn't quite sure how she managed it, but when they got back to the ratted quilt, he was loaded down with enough goodies to choke a bantha. She'd asked him about the quilt when he'd set it up…somehow he didn't quite seem the quilt type. Or the type to set one he did have on the ground.

He muttered something unintelligible along the lines of "My Aunt Aggie's, warm, but I never liked her very much…" She smiled sweetly.

"I'm sure the feeling's entirely mutual." That earned her a snarky grin.

"Could you take these treats?" he asked irritated.

"I dunno, I kind of like having my own personal valet…"

"No. I mean so I can get down. It's kind of something I need my hands free for."

She blushed, completely flustered, and obliged. Helplessly, because she KNEW he would not let her help, she looked on as he gingerly lowered himself to the ground. He switched his cane from it's usual right side to the left, lowering himself slowly as he used his free hand to arrange his right leg, slightly bent in front of him. When he was settled in a quasi-indian style position, he set the cane across his lap. He looked up at her then, and she realized suddenly that she was staring. Before she could fluster out an apology, he simply patted the spot on his left, gesturing for her to sit. She was saved an awkward silence as the music blasted from the speakers as only John Williams can. Then, all nervousness dissipated as he narrated the legendary scrolling text in a pathetic British accent:

"It is a dark time for the Rebellion. Although the Death Star has been destroyed, Imperial Troops have driven the Rebel forces from their hidden base and pursued them across the galaxy.,"

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They managed to survive the icy winds of Hoth, but their good moods couldn't last through Luke's trip to the Dagobah system. This part of the movie, being without Han Solo, or even Yoda yet, was SO dull that it left room for conversation.

"House?"

"Y'know, I never understood why Luke was the hero. Look at him, he's a loser."

"House?"

"I mean, I have a gimp leg and I could probably avoid most of the messes he gets into…"

"GREG!"

"Hm? Oh, what is it, _Al_?"

She rolled her eyes at the abbreviation, but let it slide. "I just wanted to say, it was really sweet of you to invite me to this."

"Sweet? Me? _Wilson _said I had to apologize so…"

"Wilson told you to take me to a movie?"

"No. But he told me to apologize and…"

"What? You used it as an excuse to take me on a date?"

He made a sudden movement at this that knocked his cane from it's resting place, nearly taking out his eye. "A date? You and me? Hah! _You_ are as pure as the driven snow and I am a warped old man for whom dating leads to only one thing. And, darling, hookers are much cheaper for that."

She stared at him for a second, eyes blazing with unshed tears or fury, she wasn't sure which, and then she stood up ready to storm out.

"_Ok geeks and geekettes…You all know what time it is…."_

"Oh, Christ. Cameron! Wait!" He grabbed hold of her arm and his cane, trying to hoist himself up and detain her all at once.

"_It's movie-oke time! And it looks like we have some volunteers!"_

Cameron and House looked up in surprise as a spotlight hit them and a pimply faced college kid in Jedi robes with a paper sash denoting him "Chief Geek" approached them with a grin on his face. "Well you're a likely Han and Leia. Plenty of anger rolling between the two of you, brilliant!"

"Oh no, no no no no NO. Where are you taking us? Hey wait, slow down, my leg…" House was cut off as he and a very bewildered Cam were deposited in front of the paused movie and his cane snatched away from him. ("Not very Han-like!") He grabbed Cameron's shoulder, desperately trying to stay upright in this very public setting.

"Ok, now we ALL know this scene, so for those of you new to the game, here are the rules. We pick out a lucky pair from our audience and they get to act out the scene as it plays behind them. No peeking! And of course the sound is cut, so it's just our pidgeons, I mean players carrying it. Action!"

Cameron was still trying to pull away, but House was still holding on to her shoulder for dear life and she did NOT want to be held responsible for him taking a tumble, no matter how much he deserved it.

House was a little at a loss for what to do. Somehow, looking at the overeager self-proclaimed "Chief Geek" he knew that he would NOT get his cane back unless he played along.

"Hey, your _worship_ I'm only trying to help!"

He was holding her shoulder already, so he simply yanked it a bit to get her to turn to him. Maybe he could apologize without actually having to say the words.

She wanted to pull away, support be damned, and let him fall flat on his face. She nearly went through with it when the bizarre adolescent poked her in the back with his light sabre and stage whispered: "Would you please stop calling me that! That's your line!"

She rolled her eyes and poured as much venom into the words as she could.

"Would you _please_ stop calling me that?"

He winced, but he had to keep going…his cane.

"Sure…Leia"

He looked at her, pleading with his eyes as hard as he could, gesturing madly with his eyebrows at his cane. She nodded curtly, but glared at him all the same.

"You make it so _difficult _sometimes!" How oddly appropriate, she thought.

"I do, I really do." Unlike his counterpart onscreen, he tried to look sincere. He needed an ally after all. "You could be a little nicer, though. Come on, admit it, sometimes you think I'm alright."

Her eyes softened a bit. She'd gotten the apology. "Occasionally. Maybe. When you're not acting like a scoundrel."

He grinned inwardly. She'd forgiven him, apparently. And who knew she would actually know all these lines? "Scoundrel? Scoundrel. I like the sound of that." His vice grip on her shoulder transitioned to her hand.

"Stop that." She smiled. This was actually kind of fun, and it was amusing to see House doing something so…sweet, even if it was only acting. She'd take what she could get.

"Stop what?" He was starting to enjoy himself, he hadn't done anything like this since the drama class been forced to take in high school, which he'd never admit to having enjoyed.

"Stop that, my hands are dirty"

"My hands are dirty too, what are you afraid of?" He'd moved in a bit, as his counterpart onscreen had. Who knew he was such a good actor? Cameron filed it away for later. It could be valuable blackmail…

"Afraid?"

"You're trembling" He moved in closer, enjoying the tension in the audience.

"I'm not trembling." She did tremble a little, even knowing that House would never kiss her as the scene demanded, they were still REALLY close.

"You like me_ because _I'm a scoundrel. There aren't enough scoundrels in your life." He could see she was enjoying this. He was close enough to actually see the laughter flickering in her eyes.

"I happen to like nice men." Those brilliantly green eyes…

"I'm nice." It was almost a whisper. He was lost for a second staring at them.

Wanting to give him an easy out, she snorted lightly. "C'mon House! You're not ni-"

Then her green eyes became huge as he cut off the rest of her words, and thoughts, quite efficiently with one mind-blowing kiss. Then they closed as the kiss deepened.

But his eyes shot wide open, as the geeks applauded and he suddenly remembered EXACTLY where he was and with whom he was currently "locking lips". He broke away as if he were on fire, which it felt like he was, and nearly fell over in the process.

"CANE! NOW!"

Cameron snapped out of her trance at the sound of his bark and the following step-thump as he high-tailed it back to the picnic blanket.

He whipped around to look at her. "What are _you_ looking at?"

She just smiled. He could pretend it didn't happen…

….but she wouldn't forget.

Ok. Notes.

Hoth: Friggin' cold ice planet. (Tauntauns, whee!)

Dagobah: Yoda. Swamp. Nothin' else.

Harrison Ford: Teh sexy.

Jeeves and Wooster would like thank the good people at Swiffer Sweeper for creating such a useful stand-in for House's cane when we were trying to answer the question "Exactly how would House sit down?"

New chappie coming… maybe… muahahaha!


	5. Darth Cuddy

'Disclaimer: House is not ours. If he was, we'd have to write stories in which he was always in character that were always believable. And what's the fun in that. We don't want House….Wait. What the hell are we saying?

A/N: We apologize for the wait. Jeeves was in summer school, and seemed to think that an education and a life were more important that fanfic (What do you mean life? –Jeeves). How dare she? So here it is, the long awaited, (we hope) new chappie! We hope we didn't lose your interest…. please come back. Please? WHERE ARE YOU?

A New Chappie, The Empire Kicks Back in, and The Return of The Story

Aka: Chapter Three: Darth Cuddy

Chase and Foreman were excited. They had banned together, and they were ready for the piece de resistance. They broke into House's office, (they had plenty of experience after all, with all their "researching" of patient's environments), and hit the eject button on his VCR. They replaced the General Hospital episode with their own VHS and waited for Cameron to arrive and sort through House's mail.

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Cameron was in a good mood as she walked into Princeton-Plainsboro Teaching Hospital that day. House may have pretended that "movie-oke" had never occurred, but it had still happened, hadn't it? "He may not love me," she thought, "but at least he's attracted to me." She smiled, she could settle for that, for now. She was startled from these thoughts when she heard the familiar step-thump of the person in question. She looked up, following the line of his cane up to his amazing blue eyes.

"Good morning, Dr. Cameron." He avoided her eyes. Better not chance that again… He was still convinced it had been a fluke, spur of the moment kind of thing. Better to pretend it had never happened.

His reaction was expected, and she was merely amused. "Good morning Dr. House," she said to his relief.

They walked to his office together, not talking. They were confused to find Chase and Foreman already in there, apparently watching a movie.

"Hey, Cameron," said Chase slyly, "We felt terrible for teasing you yesterday, so we decided to make it up to you."

"Yeah," said Foreman, snickering, "We brought your favorite movie."

By this time Cameron and House had entered the room and could see the screen of House's TV. A man in a brown robe knelt by a small silver and blue droid. Across from him, a young man with really bad blond hair was talking to him. The House-Boys looked up, expecting to see a furiously blushing Cameron, only to find that both she and House had rather amused expressions on their faces. The biggest shock was to come though.

"_Obi Wan Kenobi? Obi-Wan. That's a name I haven't heard in a long time" _

House and Cameron, with twin looks of mischief on their face, yelled at the screen in chorus: "HOW LONG?"

"_A long time"_ Alec Guinness answered from long ago and far, far away.

And to Chase and Foreman's wide eyed stares, Cameron swept out of the office for coffee, whistling, and House returned to his desk. Seeing that they had miscalculated somewhere, they picked up their things and high-tailed it out of the twilight zone.

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Wilson walked into work to find Cameron whistling.

Well I'll be damned, Wilson thought as he ran towards his friend's office.

"Morning, Wilson. Unless you've brought me the newest Zelda game, get out."

"Well, she didn't kill you, so that means that the apocalypse has arrived and you actually apologized."

"What ARE you talking about?"

"You know perfectly well I'm talking about Cameron. So big bad Dr. House actually said 'I'm sorry'."

"I did no such thing, the words do not exist in my vocabulary."

"Then you didn't apologize?"

"I made it up to her, I just didn't say the 's' word"

"How?"

"I took her to see a movie."

Wilson waited patiently for the punch line. When one didn't arrive, and when House didn't look up from his video game, his mouth dropped open.

"You took her on a DATE?"

That got his attention, if the jerk in his hands followed by the "game over" music was any indication.

"You told me to apologize!" he snarled murderously.

"I didn't tell you to take her to the movies! Please say it didn't have a love story in it. What movie did you see?"

"The Empire Strikes Back"

"At the outdoor theater? Are you crazy? What'd you do, quote lines with her while you sat on a picnic blanket eating popcorn?"

One look at his friend's face told him all he needed to know.

"Christ, House, you're completely sunk."

That REALLY ticked him off. "What the hell does that mean?"

"Greg, you may be a chronic bastard, but you're not a moron, you know EXACTLY what I mean."

And he doesn't even know about the ki-… On second thought, maybe it's better not to think along that road….

Seeing his friend's face go through the transformation of someone panicking to someone hiding something, Wilson got the distinct impression Gregory House wasn't telling him the whole story. Had Cameron said something that embarrassed him? It seemed the most likely occurrence. Gleeful at the prospect of teasing his friend some more, Wilson got to work.

"Something happened, didn't it?" he said slyly, extremely pleased at the gleam of pure terror in House's eyes.

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The loud beeping of the monitors alerted the nurses on hand. Paging Drs Foreman, Chase, and Cameron as they went, they rushed to Mr. Dallas' room.

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"I have no idea what you're talking about, James. I told you. I took her to a movie. It wasn't a DATE it was an APOLOGY and you can stop playing any sick little fantasies you've got running through your head right now."

She must have REALLY embarrassed him, thought Wilson gleefully, He isn't even managing a single sarcastic comment.

"Aw, come on House, you can tell me! I'm your best pal. I could sign a contract in blood promising not to tell."

"NOTHING HAPPENED!"

"Ok, ok. If you won't tell me, I'm sure Cameron will." Dread filled House's eyes, Wilson pretended not to notice. "I passed the break room on the way down here and heard her telling Foreman and Chase that they wouldn't believe what had happened last night. At the time I supposed she was talking about the latest episode of Lost, but…." He was cut off as an enraged, and panicked, Dr. House rose out of his chair, and then sank back with a moan after putting too much weight on his leg. Wilson rushed to help him, but House was already up again.

"SHE WAS WHAT?" he was panicked. Wilson looked at his friend, shocked. "Sh-She wouldn't! I mean, it was only one kiss and it was just a fluke it didn't mean anything and what's the big idea jabbering about it like this was high school and…." He trailed off as he saw Wilson's face slide through various degrees of shock and land happily on an expression most suited for children waking up to see Santa Claus had come early.

"Oh," he said, echoing his words from months before, much to House's horror, "Oh boy." House's eyes got wide as he realized what he'd done. "Cameron _kissed _you?"

"No."

"But you just said…"

"_I_ kissed _her_," he admitted, staring hard at his Nike Shox.

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A sweating, pallid Mr. Dallas had rolled over and pushed the call button, then had rolled back into his bed clutching his chest.

"My heart!" he gasped out to the doctors arriving in his room. "Oh God!"

"Mr. Dallas, can you describe the pain?" Foreman queried.

"Well," he gasped. "Center left side," he patted his chest, "also in arms, back, and shoulders." Talking was causing him to approach hyperventilation.

"Mr. Dallas, could you sit up, perhaps?" Cameron asked.

He moved upward into a sort of slouch, still clutching his chest. "Well, that's a little better. Umm, it's kinda bright in here though," he said squinting. "Could we turn down the lights?"

"What? Why?" asked Chase.

"Well, I probably should have buzzed you when the headache started…" he shot a weak smile at Cameron.

"Yeah, you 'probably should have'."

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"You kissed her?" Wilson stared at his friend, a little lost for words. "_You_ kissed _her_?"

"It was an accident! It didn't _mean_ anything. We got dragged into this movie-oke thing and I was supposed to kiss her for the scene and I just got caught up in the acting and…"

"You got caught up in the acting? Are you sure?" Wilson gave his friend a skeptical look. "Or did you get mesmerized by her lips or something?"

House stared at his Shox, "Her eyes, actually."

Wilson just looked at his friend, smiling a little, but with a bit of awe on his face. "You're in love with her."

House sputtered. "No I'm not!"

Wilson raised his eyebrows at him.

"I am NOT in love with her. It's just attraction. She's a gorgeous specimen. My glands got carried away."

"Oh really. Tell me something Greg. Where do you see yourself in five years?"

He waited patiently while House rolled his eyes, and then closed them. James grinned at the moment he saw it hit him.

House's eyes flew open. "Oh crap," he said. Wilson laughed hysterically.

"Y'know…You have to tell her," he said when his breath came back.

"Yeah. Yeah, I know."

Just then, Cameron ran into the room.

"Dr. House! It's Mr. Dallas." She sounded frantic. "He's suffering from pericarditis _and_ encephalitis. We _need _you. Now."

"Not my case."

"But…"

"I gave it to you kids. You can figure it out. You're a smart group. I'm not helping."

"Good." This came from the doorway, where a smirking Dr. Cuddy was leaning against the jam. "Since you're not busy…clinic duty. Now."

"Bleaugh!" With a strangled yell, House grabbed Cameron and tried to hide behind her. Wilson tried VERY hard not to laugh.

Cuddy rolled her eyes. "Nice try House, that is without a doubt your worst hiding space ever. Your cane is sticking out. And you're a good six inches taller than her. Come along, there's a baby who won't stop crying, a kid with a marble up his nose, a girl with a nasty case of cramps and they all have worried and hysterical mothers."

"You ARE evil," he said with awe, and he followed her down the hall, humming the Darth Vader theme. Wilson stopped trying not to laugh.

A/N: Hey, y'all. Wooster here. Hope you enjoyed this chappie. If you did, you might wanna check out "Playing Games", a little fanfic I've been cowriting with Randa05. _Wooster! _What Jeeves? _You can't plug your story here! Especially when you wrote it with someone else! This is my space too you know! _Yeah, but you OWE me for abandoning me for practically the entire summer and not getting your updates done! _Oh fine…plug your story. _Thanks, already done so.


	6. Leia's my sister or the BSA

**A/N: I broke my ankle. Bad news? It hurt like hell for a couple weeks and got in my way. Good news? It was my right ankle. Jeeves called me 'Grumpy McGimpy' and the crutches make much better props for finding out "How House does stuff" than the Swiffer... (sorry Swiffer peoples...)**

**Disclaimer: Star Wars belongs to George Lucas, though it is our personal belief that he abused that privilege when he made the precluding trilogy. David Shore owns House, and while he hasn't truly abused the privilege, I'm going to say he has so maybe someone with authority will take it from him and deliver it to my...uh...(notices Jeeves sending death glare)...I mean...OUR...doorstep. Wheeee.**

Chapter 6

'Leia's my sister?' and the Boy Scouts of America.

Cameron was pacing, something she rarely indulged in. Her nerves were frayed to the point of extinction, and for once it had nothing to do with House. _No_, she thought, _That's not quite true. While it's Mr. Dallas' condition that has me stressed, that kiss isn't exactly helping. _She paused then, a small smile on her face as she relived the previous night in her mind. That's when she saw Wilson smiling smugly in the door. _Oh, shit_, she thought.

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House walked into exam room B, still rolling the conundrum of Mr. Cyclist, (_Christ, what was his name?_) around in his head. The fact that his three brilliant ducklings, all of whom were excellent diagnosticians now, thanks to him, hadn't found it out yet interested him. Besides, he didn't want the patient to die. It'd reflect badly on him if his team were a bunch of screw-ups.

Inside the exam room, he found a brown haired girl with pigtails and braces of about nine years of age and who was presumably her mother in a conservative business suit. He smiled inwardly, making a mental note to compliment her loudly on its modesty should Cuddy come within earshot. The girl was gazing around the room curiously and began to absentmindedly scratch at her wrist.

"Now Darla," House winced at the name, some parents can be so cruel, "Don't scratch! You could cause an infection which could cause gangrene..."

"And it will turn black and fall off," interrupted House, staring condescendingly at the mother, who quickly closed her mouth. "Right." Peering at little 'Darla's' wrist. House could see it was red, blotchy and bumpy. It took about twenty seconds to make a diagnosis. Stupid boring clinic.

"Well, Dana," he said.

"It's Dar-la" interjected the mom.

"Yeah, whatever. Ok, Danish, I assume you don't get out of the city much?"

"Nuh-uh! Last week I went camping with the campfire girls!" she chirped enthusiastically.

"I see," he said, not really paying attention. "You earned your first aid badge yet?"

"Not until next week," her mom answered for her, "I've been helping her study."

"Oh, so it's your fault she can't figure this out. You're the moron who's gonna lose her daughter her badge." He cut off her outraged protests. "Your daughter has poison ivy, I suggest you read your handbook a little more closely...if you can read." Suddenly, the proverbial lightbulb popped into existence over his head. Waving the mom's outraged screams aside, he distractedly muttered, "Just get her some calamine lotion, she'll be fine." He step-thumped his way out of the clinic. Cuddy, catching a glimpse of this, resignedly said, "Where are you going House?"

"To save Han Solo, he's frozen in carbonite you know!" he yelled over his shoulder.

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"Hey Wilson," said Cameron cautiously, wondering why he was here. That smile was kind of creeping her out. "What's up?"

"Oh, nothing," he said, still grinning at her like a Cheshire cat. "I know House took you to the movies, that's all. I'm surprised he apologized, to tell the truth. Though I don't know how that constitutes an apology, taking you to the very movie he was teasing about."

"Oh," said Cameron, slightly relieved. The last thing she needed was Wilson scaring off House by talking about love or something, which would certainly happen if he found out they'd kissed. _He kissed me, I mean_ she thought, trying very hard not to smile. "Well, while I don't like being made fun of for it, it is true that I love Star Wars, why shouldn't I be grateful for free tickets to see it in a theater? Besides, it was fun."

_I'll bet it was _thought Wilson. To Cameron he said, "Why do you like it so much anyway? You don't strike me as a big Star Wars fan."

Cameron returned his grin, relaxed and confident he had no idea what happened. "You could say it was serendipity, I guess."

Wilson looked at her in confusion. "Why would I say that?"

Cameron smiled a little to herself. "Well, I was born the day the first movie came out." She chuckled as she watched him do the math. "Yes, I'm twenty eight. I took the fast track in college, one of those six year undergrad plus med school deals. Anyway, my brothers, Alex and Ryan, were five and six at the time. They were very upset that I made them miss the movie. They'd been planning on taking their friends (with mom and dad of course) on opening day. They became the hugest fans. When we were growing up, they were obsessed with the film. They had entire scenes memorized." She grinned again, remembering the movie-oke.

She snapped herself out of the reverie before Wilson could notice anything and continued. "Actually, I refused to watch the movies because of this. No way I was going to do anything my _brothers _thought was cool. But then I got this boyfriend in high school, Karl Katarn...biggest geek in the universe, but he was such a sweetheart. Anyways, when I told him I'd never seen the movies, he freaked. So one night he had me over and we just watched the entire trilogy in a row. After that, I was hooked. It's kind of hard to be around a fanatic twenty four/seven and not become obsessed too. Y'know that thing that pulls Luke underwater in the garbage compactor?"

"Yeah," said Wilson, wondering vaguely where this was going.

"It's called a Dianoga, and it has, in case you're wondering, seven tentacles." She grinned at the amazed look he gave her. "I used to make fun of Karl for knowing stuff like that, until I discovered that I knew it too."

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He had finally reached his office. Now he just needed to find it. "Damn," he thought, a little flustered. He knew it was in here somewhere, but he had hid it so no one would find it...and now he couldn't find it. Curse his complete competence at everything. If he wasn't so good at hiding things...a-ha! Smiling, he pulled the battered book out from between the three year old paperwork piles, the best hiding place. Man, he was brilliant.

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Cameron ended her little story with a smile, and turned back to the microscope slides she was supposed to have been observing during her little pacing session. Looking up, she noticed Wilson was still there...smiling at her. She sighed. "What is it this time, Wilson?"

"Well, I got so caught up in your fascinating story about the high school boyfriend I forgot the question I'd actually come to ask you."

Cameron rolled her eyes and went back to her microscope. "And what's that?"

"Is House as good a kisser as he says he is?"

She jarred, knocking her eye against the microscope. There would be a lovely shiner there come morning.

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Gingerly, House blew the dust off the cover of the small little book and grinned at the cover as if it were an old friend. In serious, no-nonsense black type, the cover proclaimed. "Official Boy Scout Manual, '72" Infinitely glad there was no one around to see this proof that he'd had a normal childhood and had not always been a misanthropic bastard with a limp, a cane, and an acerbic wit, he thumbed through the pages til he found the section on first aid, marked by his own badge. "Bingo," he said.

**A/N: Ok, boys and girls. Before you ask. Yes. Karl Katarn is actually based off of one of our boyfriends. Guess which. Oh, and the names 'Ryan' and 'Alex' are the names of Jeeves and Wooster's boyfriends, respectively. The name Karl Katarn is a Star Wars reference. Guess it and we will make general 'We are not WORTHY' gestures in your direction...and then laugh at you behind your back. Good naturedly, of course.**


	7. Leia turns the tables on Han

**Disclaimer: Yo. Y'all know the drill. If we owned Star Wars, there would be no prequel trilogy (or if there was it'd be good) and if we owned House…well…I think I only rated this 'T' so I won't describe what we'd do with him…heehee.**

**A/N: See? We updated! Down angry mob, down! Anyways, sorry for the nine month wait…the story kind of needed a gestation period. **

Chapter Seven: Leia turns the tables on Han

It'd been two days since House had (correctly) diagnosed Mr. Dallas with Lyme Disease. He was responding to treatment well and, hopefully, his girlfriend would let him back into the apartment the next day.

The team wasn't sure who they were most annoyed with; House for not treating the patient earlier and risking his life in the process, themselves for not "solving the problem" when it was unlikely they'd get another chance, or John Williams whose music had been BLASTING through House's speakers for the past two days.

Besides annoying them, the goal of this noise pollution seemed to be to keep people from hearing House. The moment it was determined Dallas had Lyme Disease, House had grabbed Wilson, dragged him into his office, and had been ranting to him nonstop. Wilson actually left periodically to keep appointments, but House didn't notice and simply continued rambling.

Despite being in the room with this even-crazier-than-usual House, Wilson seemed cheerful, insisting that they left House to it and that it would "all come out right in the end". These cryptic hints were all that Wilson would impart, leaving three super-curious ducklings.

Cuddy didn't really care, so long as the music was below the maximum noise limit of the hospital and the clinic hours got done. (Wilson filled in for House happily).

Currently, Wilson was in House's office reading a medical journal while House packed back and forth. Cameron sipped her coffee, vaguely wondering how Wilson could possibly read with all that noise and wishing for the billionth time she could read lips.

She sighed as the music segued into the Cantina theme from 'A New Hope'. Normally the morning was her favorite part of the day, when she could have time to herself in the break room. Chase wouldn't arrive for another ten minutes because he always stopped for breakfast at the little patisserie around the corner (House never reported him being late as long as he brought him something sweet as well,) and Foreman liked to get his clinic hours over with first thing.

Wilson was reclining with his feet on the desk and House had finally stopped pacing and was resting his head on the glass wall, banging his cane on the floor in time with the music when something inside Cameron snapped. She rose abruptly, knocking her lukewarm coffee to the floor and began to bang her fists on the connecting door between the break room and House's office. Wilson, grin on his face, grabbed his magazine and backed out of the office before House could stop him. With one final glare after him, House walked over to the door.

"Why are you making that infernal racket?" House said, throwing open the door in exasperation.

"You should talk, why are _YOU_ making _THAT_ infernal racket?" She was smirking peevishly as she said it, but nevertheless she walked briskly into the office, over to the stereo, and turned it off with a switch. Across the hall, nurses visibly sighed with relief, cheered, and one even removed a pair of earplugs. Cameron took a deep, calming breath, seating herself on one of the speakers and visibly reining in her frustration.

"Well, excellent job again Dr. House. You saved that patient's life." Her voice carried only a hint of sarcasm, and she her lips twitched in a smile when he rolled his eyes. "And more importantly to you, you really ticked off Chase and Foreman, solving it in about five seconds." That got a smile, she relaxed a bit and allowed herself to indulge her curiosity. "How did you know so fast? About the tick thing?"

"I was a boy scout when I was about nine," he said matter-of-factly, ignoring her shocked stare, "I may not have been a good one, something about the idea of doing one good deed per day, but I did earn my first aid badge. Lyme Disease, commonly spread by ticks which in turn are fairly common around campgrounds, was on the list of diseases whose symptoms we had to memorize." He plucked a book off his desk and tossed it to her, "Take a look, it's right in the manual. Usually presents with a rash, but 10 percent of the time, it doesn't. If undiagnosed, can cause quickened heart rate, fever, and even partial paralysis and is often mistaken for various other diseases. I would have thought of it earlier, but it was a part of my life that I usually block in my memory. Wouldn't have thought of it at all if there hadn't been this girl scout in the clinic with poison ivy and couldn't even recognize it."

She thumbed through the well worn manual, more shocked that he'd been a boy scout and had kept his old manual than she was at it having been the source of his epiphany. She put it down. He was looking at her out of the corner of his eye. She restrained a sigh and, resolved, launched into the speech she'd prepared while he'd been holed up in his office with Wilson as his hostage.

"House?" He turned to her. "I wanted to apologize for what happened at the movies…"

"Y'know," he cut her off, "I always preferred 'Return of the Jedi' to 'The Empire Strikes Back." She blinked, this was an unexpected course of conversation. "Well sure I may be a cynical bastard, but I'm equally mean to both men and women. No one can claim I'm a misogynist."

"I don't see where you're going with this."

"Well, you see, I always thought it was terribly sexist…those lines right before Han Solo was frozen." He took a step towards her, and her breath caught in her chest. What the hell was he doing?

"I always liked how, in Return of the Jedi, he was the one who had to…" he visibly swallowed as he grabbed her hand, "to gather the courage to lay it all on the line."

Cameron stared from her hand in his up into his eyes; hoping…waiting.

"Do you remember that part? They are cornered at the locked back door of the Empire's hold where the controls for the new death star's generator are. The stormtroopers are firing at them." He pulled her to her feet and set his cane against the now vacant speaker. "They are yelling at them to freeze, and Han Solo turns to Leia."

He lowered his face towards hers, they were barely a hair's breadth apart now. Gently, he brushed a thumb over the lovely faded shiner Wilson had caused the other day.

"I…" he faltered, then with a sudden look of resolve, finished. "I love you."

She looked up, half laughing, half crying.

"I know."

They didn't even notice Wilson shaking his head and chuckling as House finally closed the space between them and kissed her.

A/N: IT'S FINALLY OVER! I'm terribly sorry to all of our faithful readers who have been waiting for this FOREVER. Please, will the angry mob now extinguish the torches, put the pitchforks back in the barn, find a decrepit road to use the tar on, give the chickens back their feathers, and give the railroad back it's rail? Thanks. Oh, and it's been brought to my attention by my geeky boyfriend that we got the name of what's-his-face wrong. It's Kyle Katarn, not Karl Katarn. Whatever. It's done! Yay! Now if only we can find the time to finish those other ones…

**Extended Acknowledgements go to: WebMD for providing information on on Lyme Disease; Jeeves's mother for actually having Lyme Disease (though thankfully, not as bad as Dallas!) and inspiring that portion of the story; the Swiffer-Sweeper people; Wooster's friend Gena, who broke Wooster's ankle, giving us insight into how House moves; the Girl Scouts of America; Coca-Cola; Caffeine in general; The Princess Diaries novels; the torch and pitchfork makers of America; Bond, James Bond; Wooster's geeky boyfriend, the source of all random things Star Wars (but not Jeeves's ex-boyfriend, the dirty commie); anyone ever connected in any way with the original, not the new, Star Wars movies, especially Harrison Ford; and finally, the wonderful brain of David Shore and the wonderful acting skills of Hugh Laurie for creating the indomitable character we all love so much.**


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